hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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