I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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