I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
