Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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