I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
