I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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