So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize