Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
