i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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