My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
