are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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