the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
