It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
