the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
