I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
