how can u be prego again
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
