we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
