Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
