This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
