four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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