Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
