I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
