I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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