I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
