Duck Duck Cougar?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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