do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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