I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
