Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
