woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
