I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
