He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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