ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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