I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
