Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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