last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
