Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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