This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
