Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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