So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We need to get me chipped asap
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize