I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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