i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
