I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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