he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
