dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize