I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
