Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize