I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
