i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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