Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
