i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
