What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize