if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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