It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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