i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
