can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
