"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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