Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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