there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want a musical about memes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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