My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
