Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
