so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
