I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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