so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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