Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
