our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
