I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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