I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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