I think I am morally bankrupt
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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