A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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