Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize