I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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