Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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