I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize