I think I just saw someone hide a body.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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