so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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