I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
