i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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