My underwear smells like fireworks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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