I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
