I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I AM VODKA MAN
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
