She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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