The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
