So drunk its hurt
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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