things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize