It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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