half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
