Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
