dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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