i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
