If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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