my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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