i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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